Not about that Life(style)...

(I have totally abandoned this blog. I'm sorry.
And when I ventured back to the dark side this morning, I had this story waiting in my drafts.
I had never posted it. 
Two years later, enjoy!)

I love sex. Any man or woman that has had sex with me (or near me for that matter... lol) can attest to my vigor and enthusiasm for sexual activity.
I talk about it.
I'm not ashamed of it.
If you ask me a sexually related question you may be surprised by my candor.

Yes, I've had sexual relations with women. 

Yes, I've attended a swing party. 

Yes, I have an abundance of friends in the lifestyle. 

Yes, yes, YES!

With that being said, JUST BECAUSE I MAY BE MORE SEXUALLY FREE THAN THE OTHER CHICK DON'T ASSUME I WANT TO PARTAKE IN YOUR HOMEGROWN SWING (read: SEX) PARTY.

Soooo, last night, a recent partner, J, calls me. 

"Have you ever been to a swing party."

Me: yes

J: would you like to go to one with me tonight?

Me: nope

J: it's not really a swing party. It's more like a couples thing. Me and my man Squirrel (yes.) we know this white boy who got this big ass mansion out Calvert County. So it'd be like the white dude and his wife, Squirrel and his girl, another couple or two, and my man hit me up and asked did I have anybody I could bring...

Me: and your first thought was me?

J: well yeah...

Me: *heavy sigh*

J: what's all that for???

Me: so for weeks you've been telling me how much you MISS spending time with me, have been doing nothing but working so you have no time to take me out, how you really see yourself FALLING for me... Yet the moment you have some free time, you want me to be your plus one at some bootleg sex party?  Yeah ok.

J: you're right. We have spent no time together... I just thought you might wanna get your pussy eaten by a woman...

Me: you looking out for me huh?

J: yeah!

Me: bye J. 

I spent my Friday night cuddled up with a bottle of wine and a book. Awesome threesome!

Hypothetically.

So even if you're feeling comfortably frisky and tipsy on a first date, do NOT under any circumstances, either real or imagined, give your date head in the car afterwards.

Yes, you are both adults, and yes, it might be fun and a little risqué, but from that point on whenever you get in his car he will (more than likely) automatically expect some kind of sexual favor. 

A conditioned response to you sitting your ass in his car. 

Like Pavlov's dog... 

Even if you've just gone to IHOP and had a totally pleasant breakfast, with coffee and conversation, once you return to the car, he might just reach over and try to pull up your skirt. Or attempt to place your own hand on your own crotch and ask you to "massage it." 

He may even try to put your hand on his dick while he's driving. 

And even if you tell him "Look dude, I know I created this shit. Where you see me as the sex in the car chick... But it's uber awkward and not in the least bit sexy." 

At 11:00 in the morning. 

In broad daylight.

He might even say he gets it and asks you to ride with him to the golf pro shop to return a club but somehow then proceeds to drive you to a remote location like a park where he stops the car and attempts to pull you closer. You could possibly resist while explaining to him yet again, why this shit ain't going down. And he could be pretending to hear what you are saying while he deliberately unzips his pants..

Yep. That could happen.

But you know what else might happen?

You could take one look at him and his raging hard on sticking out of his jeans, and burst out laughing until tears are leaking from your eyes. 

Then and only then might he finally get himself together enough to immediately drive you home.

In total silence.

That could happen too.

Punctuation problems.

This post will be short. 

Online Dating Tip. 

Use periods, commas, question marks and exclamation points.

Please.

It was Written

There is nothing quite as sweet or endearing as handwritten words on a page... Even more so when the writer has unexpectedly jumpstarted your cold, unsentimental heart. I was going through my chest of drawers today and found this gem. The words mattered far less than the sentiment, but I was smitten.

3/14/12

Dear H-----,

In my attempt to get all up in your drawers, I am sending you a short note. (Also my phone is busted) Indeed our relationship has taken off in a great way. Quite unexpectedly honestly. Yes, you are a sexy woman and your audition was very persuasive but it was more. Perhaps it is your sense of humor, which allows you to laugh at most of my hilarious jokes. Perhaps it is the explosive connection (your words) that you and I share which allows us to have fruitful conversations regularly... Very regularly.

Regardless it appears in the midst of our somewhat unorthodox love lives, we have found places for each other. I can't really call it but I do like it. I look forward to spending time with you. Getting our eyes and hands (etc.) on each other will tell a lot. It may define our relationship better or not, but I know it will satisfy this curiosity and allow two friends to finally meet and take it from there.

Excited,

M-------

Retrograde

I don't know if Mercury is in retrograde or Venus has a heavy influence in my chart... But I happened upon a former "I don't know what to call him" pics on Facebook. 

And it shifted something in my soul. 

We shared THE BEST KISSES. I needed to put that somewhere... 

The Last Kiss

I see your picture

Your smile

And realize that  

You're the last person I kissed

The last person I kissed

The last

The last person I kissed

With passion

And purpose

And love

The last person I kissed

That made my heart skip a beat

And my breath catch in my throat

And my smile begin from the inside

The last person I kissed

Whose voice touched every part of me

Whose laugh I felt was just for me

Whose smile made my day, every day

A kiss?

Just a kiss you say

Never just a kiss

Intimate and telling

Your energy breathing into mine

Creating a place for emotions

To blossom and grow

Setting the stage for connection

For knowledge beyond the physical

For now and for always

The last person I kissed

With passion

And purpose

And love

You're the last person I kissed

The last person I kissed

The last

The last person I kissed

And meant it

I miss your kiss

©Hatiná Netsai 11-16-2013 

Poetry as Reality.

The Angst

I so want to believe in you

But I’ve been wrong before...

This giddy

This lust

This tumble

This roll

The smile that starts in my stomach

When your voice is in my ear

Awakening to thoughts

Of eyes that turn to lips that turn to hands that

Touch me in places

Real and imagined

Until

It really

Happens again

This happy

This dance

This saunter

This fall

Oh this delicious fall into the lilt of voice

And the way your tongue moves me

Light on your skin

And joy in your step translating to joy in my heart

A rush to be near

To hear and listen like never before

A connection

A chance to be more

This sunshine

This light

This joyous

This free

Soaring on clouds

And walking on air

From untethered dreams

And shortness of breath

And then

Shortness of call

And brevity of conversation

And hope to doubt

And promise to pessimism

And a universe shift

That sends me flailing

Sliding into an uncertainty that was rock solid what seems like

Moments

Before

And before and before

Becomes

I felt and I had

When all I want

Is I have and I know and I feel

And I love

You

And you are now

This hurtful

This pain

This ugly

This scab

This hump of a thing to get over

No longer light

Nor right

Nor just

Because I have been here before

And I want to believe in you

Just believe

In what I feel

And trust

In what you say

And show

But…

Yeah.


Online Dating: Snapshot

What do I do with this?