Thursday, March 6, 2014


So even if you're feeling comfortably frisky and tipsy on a first date, do NOT under any circumstances, either real or imagined, give your date head in the car afterwards.

Yes, you are both adults, and yes, it might be fun and a little risqué, but from that point on whenever you get in his car he will (more than likely) automatically expect some kind of sexual favor. 

A conditioned response to you sitting your ass in his car. 

Like Pavlov's dog... 

Even if you've just gone to IHOP and had a totally pleasant breakfast, with coffee and conversation, once you return to the car, he might just reach over and try to pull up your skirt. Or attempt to place your own hand on your own crotch and ask you to "massage it." 

He may even try to put your hand on his dick while he's driving. 

And even if you tell him "Look dude, I know I created this shit. Where you see me as the sex in the car chick... But it's uber awkward and not in the least bit sexy." 

At 11:00 in the morning. 

In broad daylight.

He might even say he gets it and asks you to ride with him to the golf pro shop to return a club but somehow then proceeds to drive you to a remote location like a park where he stops the car and attempts to pull you closer. You could possibly resist while explaining to him yet again, why this shit ain't going down. And he could be pretending to hear what you are saying while he deliberately unzips his pants..

Yep. That could happen.

But you know what else might happen?

You could take one look at him and his raging hard on sticking out of his jeans, and burst out laughing until tears are leaking from your eyes. 

Then and only then might he finally get himself together enough to immediately drive you home.

In total silence.

That could happen too.

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Punctuation problems.

This post will be short. 

Online Dating Tip. 

Use periods, commas, question marks and exclamation points.

Sunday, January 19, 2014

It was Written

There is nothing quite as sweet or endearing as handwritten words on a page... Even more so when the writer has unexpectedly jumpstarted your cold, unsentimental heart. I was going through my chest of drawers today and found this gem. The words mattered far less than the sentiment, but I was smitten.


Dear H-----,

In my attempt to get all up in your drawers, I am sending you a short note. (Also my phone is busted) Indeed our relationship has taken off in a great way. Quite unexpectedly honestly. Yes, you are a sexy woman and your audition was very persuasive but it was more. Perhaps it is your sense of humor, which allows you to laugh at most of my hilarious jokes. Perhaps it is the explosive connection (your words) that you and I share which allows us to have fruitful conversations regularly... Very regularly.
Regardless it appears in the midst of our somewhat unorthodox love lives, we have found places for each other. I can't really call it but I do like it. I look forward to spending time with you. Getting our eyes and hands (etc.) on each other will tell a lot. It may define our relationship better or not, but I know it will satisfy this curiosity and allow two friends to finally meet and take it from there.