Saturday, July 20, 2013

Sex with the Wrong People: the Baby Daddy edition

this is a rant... i think.

yeah. i need to vent. 

i have nearly 10 year old twin boys, Kemani and Kendi. I have NOT seen or heard from their father since August 13, 2003. This was 1 month and 9 days after they were born. I did not expect twins. I thought I was having “A” baby, nevertheless two showed up.

Their father and I, at the time of their conception had known each other for 10-11 years. We had dated briefly, became very good friends who did their own thing but still bumped uglies on the semi-regular… he was first and foremost, my friend, my boy, my confidante. He and I both had been there for each other thru some rocky, real shit. When his best friend and neighbor was killed in a car accident, i left my brand-new boyfriend and ran to his side… when his big brother passed away from cancer, i held his hand at the funeral, much to his new girlfriend’s chagrin… we were TIGHT.

So when i found myself pregnant, and by him nonetheless, I knew we would work it out. Whether we were together or not. My labor on July 4th (yes), 2003 was early and unexpected, and FAST. I didn’t get a moment to call him until after they were born. He was surprised, but came to see them as soon as he heard. When I came home with the boys, he was there. He held them and changed them and talked to them… I had already chosen their names, but changed them when he asked that he and his father’s names be included… 

And then one day, he disappeared. Literally. No answering of calls. I wrote letters, I popped up at his mother’s house, his job, did internet searches, everything. Then Ifiled for child support. For almost four years I was at the court building every 6 months. He was never served. They had every bit of info that I did… 

Nevertheless, my boys have grown and flourished… one an avid reader, mannish and quick, his younger by 27 minutes brother, compassionate and empathetic, coping with learning disabilities and testing for the autism spectrum, but the sweetest kid you’ve ever met. Yes, we have had some hard times. Homelessness, financial struggles, but lots of good times, way more good than bad. but through EVERYTHING they always hunger for a father. I know this. And it is the single most heartbreaking factor of my life to this moment. I keep positive, real men in their lives. They have “uncles” who love them and keep their mom sane. But still it’s unfair to them to not have someone to call Daddy. I had a father that I knew loved me until the moment he left this earth, are my children not worthy of the same?

Last summer I ran into one of their father’s best friends and it was the catalyst for me to start digging into finding him again. I found out that he is married with 2 little girls. He and his wife are divorcing after 6 years of marriage and he has moved back home with his mom. I’m trying to remain the bigger, stronger person in all of this but I still have yet to get in contact with him. And I’ve done letters, drive-bys, the works… The court system is no help. Ten years later and he has not been served any papers. I’m so frustrated. 

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