Wednesday, June 26, 2013

All You Need is Faith and Trust, and A Little bit of Pixie Dust...

Sex with the wrong people rarely starts off that way, well sometimes it does, but often it's a connection, unexplainable but electric with someone whose entire being makes you feel like home. Like this is where you were meant to be all along. And when that happens, cherish it. It may be for a moment or a lifetime, but the feeling is worthy of experiencing. And then when it all comes crashing down, try to hold on to that spark... Mine is flickering. 

Like Tinkerbell in Peter Pan, we need more than one person to believe...

I wrote this to that one person. It's still untitled.

I don’t know. I really don’t. 
I understand you want to talk but…
Conversation won’t fix this. It won’t. 
It is what it is. 
I’m still your friend. I just can’t be anything else. 

And right now I can’t even be a close friend. 

I hate that I can’t do this. 
That I’m not OVER this. 
8 months later and I’m still THIS. 

I don’t know what to do with what I feel. 
So I guess I do nothing. 

Time heals all wounds. 
I haven’t waited long enough I guess. 
One day it won’t hurt, right?

I’ve spent so much energy trying to avoid being here. 

Because THIS PLACE, right here, is exactly the reason I stopped having sex with you. 

Because if I was still doing that, I’d be even MORE fucked up than I am now. 

I can’t blame you for what I feel. And I don’t. 

I know you’re just living your life, being you, you don’t mean to be hurtful. 

But your very presence pains me. 

I know you’ve had the deep undying commitment before… I understand that’s not what you need nor want from me. 

But unfortunately my love, though we may not have had the commitment, my feelings ran deep, hell they might even be undying.
All I know is that for all my brave talk they haven’t diminished. 

So I’m just going to have to stay away from you, even more than I have. 

Which seems crazy because I feel so very far removed from you now.

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